· When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

· The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

· If you want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

· Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

· When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

· Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.

· No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse

· Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

·  Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

·  If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

·  The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

·  The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.

·  If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

·  It's not a gimme if you're still away.

·  Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

·  A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

·  It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.

·  Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut

·  Golf balls are like eggs . they're white. They're sold by the dozen ...
and a week later you have to buy more.

·  A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the income
of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

·  It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace
his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

·  When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot easier
to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the yard?

·  Golf is by far the ultimate love / hate relationship. Sometimes it seems
as though your cup runneth and moveth over.

·  It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer eat hot dogs and
fart while performing brain surgery.

·  A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving
up the game.

·  Water hazards are no walk in the park for fish, turtles, frogs or gators either.

·  Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up
praying a lot.

·  A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you.

·  That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about skipping out on lawn work.

·  If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your life.

·  If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven,  he probably shot an eight.

·  You probably wouldn't look good in a Green Jacket anyway!
A sweatshirt will do just fine!

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook.
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think
music comes out of a bagpipe.

A gimme is an agreement between two guys who can't putt.

Half of golf is fun. The other half is putting.

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt

If God didn't want man to have mulligans, balls wouldn't come
three to a sleeve.

All I've got against golf is that it takes you too far from the clubhouse.

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

• A below par performance is considered good.
• You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
• You can still make money doing it as a senior.
• It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
• Foursomes are encouraged.
• Three times a day is possible.
• Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
• If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.
• You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
• If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.